Becoming Our Best


As some of you know, Martha and I have been married a long time. And we still mis-communicate on occasion. Not as much as we used to, but it still happens. And I notice that this pattern of mis-communication is widespread, with many books, TV programs and jokes about the subject.

Why can’t we do better? It appears to me that men and women are complementary in many areas. That translates as different, or difficult, depending on what is going on. Here’s some advice for men:

When you listen, give her your full attention. No multi-tasking.
Listen with your heart to understand the message behind the words.
Realize that her feelings are probably going to get hurt “too easily”. Get used to it.
When you make a mistake, follow it with a sincere apology.

And some advice for women:

Choose wisely your time for serious discussions. You know your man.
Men’s needs are fairly simple; and when fulfilled can produce excellent results for the woman.
Don’t expect him to read your mind. Tell him what you want.
When you make a mistake, follow it with a sincere apology.

There is much more that could be said about this most important topic. A useful device for improving communication is a “Thirty-Thirty” (or it could be a 10-10). Find a quiet time, or take a walk. Then one party speaks (or not) for the next thirty minutes without interruption or argument. Next the other party does the same. This process has been known to clear the air and provide a foundation for healthy growth of love in the relationship.

Don’t give up. Most divorced people say that if they had worked as hard in the first marriage as the second, there would have been no divorce.

Author: Bruce Johnsen Management Consultant:
824 Munras Ave Suite G
Monterey, CA 93940

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