Becoming Our Best

Recently I was talking with a person whose spouse had been sent on an overseas military assignment for a year. As a result she is in charge of all family matters until his return. Military wives are taught by experience to be independent and they try not to “bother” their overseas spouses who may be in combat, or at least in a harsh work and living environment. But it is possible to carry the banner of independence too far.

In cases like this there are usually other spouses “in the same boat” who can offer mutual support. And there are offices with trained counselors provided by the military. Also, family and friends back home would be glad to help.

In general it seems to me that there are two groups of us humans. Some like to ask for help (maybe too much) and some don’t like to ask (maybe too little). Let’s focus on those who ask for too little help. Here is a check list they might find useful after asking one key question: “Is my situation one where I would advise someone else to get help?” If the answer is “yes”, then:

Think about and make a list of all the assistance resources available.
Select the one(s) most likely to assist in this case.
Call, make an appointment and then tell the situation as it is – no sugar-coating.
Follow the advice of the professionals.
Accept the help of peers, family and friends.

Independence is a valuable part of a person’s character. It gives us the ability to achieve things and get through situations that nothing else can. Still, there are appropriate times to ask for help. It would be better to ask for help a little too soon, rather than becoming stressed, unpleasant and perhaps unstable in holding together the famly “team” while the spouse is away.

Author: Bruce Johnsen Management Consultant:
824 Munras Ave Suite G
Monterey, CA 93940

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